Short Stories from the Funny Farm

Sure-fire Snore Stopper	How neat for a faithful and devoted wife of many years to discover a fool-proof way to terminate her husband's snoring, and all for free!
The Ladies Restroom	Maude's startling experience, pieced together from several sources like a jigsaw puzzle, can only happen one time in The Ladies' Restroom. The whole story is stranger than fiction.
Lessons from the Henhouse	Little do we appreciate how success in later life may be traced directly to childhood Lessons from the Henhouse.
The Wicked Rabbit	On a nighttime hunting expedition, a brave suitor discovers a vast difference between Eastern Kansas and Western Kansas when he confronts The Wicked Rabbit.
The Xmas Ogre	In a response to irrational excess, The Xmas Ogre, like Frankenstein, materializes out of nowhere.
No G-String	When a young and beautiful fraulein bares it all with No G-string, her admirers from diverse backgrounds react in characteristic ways.
Milking Poor Bessie	With profound uncertainty while seated near her hind legs, this city boy notices that Bessie is starting to fidget. She knew instinctively that a novice was messing with her privates.
Bessie's Downfall	A city kid is blown away when his father-in-law on the farm asks him to send poor Bessie to Bovine Heaven. Bessie's Downfall turns into a painful marathon.
The Mind of a Snitch	After a dozen years traveling throughout Europe, an alert wife reads the Mind of a Snitch perfectly.
Left Coast and Midwest Cousins	When the Prince of Darkness refers to a distant cousin's great grandmother as a madam, the blood letting between the Left Coast and the Midwest Cousins begins.
China Dolls	A late night trip to the corner market in Kowloon reveals dozens of China Dolls who hit on stray men like woodpeckers. The last doll gets her way!
Feesh Island	The old chief of Feesh Island, surrounded by natures many wild creatures, is shocked by the sudden call of nature.
Amsterdam's Bawdy District	A walking tour of Amsterdam's Bawdy District is a serious eye opener. Among 40 mature travelers, both males and females are reminded that they have never seen anything quite like this before.
Pea Soup	Home-made Pea Soup is scrumptious, and as the story unravels it is revealed that it was concocted with some highly suspect ingredients.
A Pesky Varmint	The Lawrence, Kansas Police would make Yosemite Sam proud as they collar a Pesky Varmint five minutes after stealing the wrong old woman's car.
Poison Grapes, Raisins, and Chocolate?	An examination of allegedly toxic treats uncovers exactly what it is that may be fatal when eating Poison Grapes, Raisins, and Chocolate.
Holy S#%*!!	In the wake of a wrecking crew, Holy S#*%!! is the earthy vernacular that best describes a formerly beautiful summer morning.
Russia's Golden Circles	While cruising the Volga, a shocking discovery illustrates how one family has prospered in Russia's new market economy.
Miss Muffett	While drinking coffee in a Waffle House at 2:00 in the morning, Miss Muffett, a perfect stranger, offers the most startling proposals.
The Mother-in-Law	A carefully devised scheme to convince a witchy Mother-in-Law of her devious and harmful ways is brushed aside as if by magic.
Dumb and Dumber	Under the influence of distraction, two characters, Dumb and Dumber, appear out of nowhere to destroy a perfectly lovely lunch.
Fred's First Night	Caretaking is not a piece of cake. Assuming this new role, Fred's First Night causes panic for his new caregivers, who desperately need a solution.
Taking a Fall	Doing two things at once, without Taking a Fall, works just fine for those who are properly endowed. Woops!
The Lost Goober	When a glossy goober is lost in space, its unexpected reappearance presents a slippery dilemma.
Lady Behind the Curtain	After months dreading an invasive diagnostic procedure, the tension is suddenly broken by an unknown Lady Behind the Curtain, whose characterization of marriage is a classic pain reliever.
Toto in Japan	On a second visit to Japan after 52 years, we discover that Toto is no longer Dorothy's little dog, but has acquired an image and a reputation of national preeminence. Toto is bigger than life all over the modern Japan.

Sam's One-Night Stand	The belief that burglars are creeping through the house at night eventually leads to the discovery of Sam's One Night Stand.
Sam's Suitor	Breeding Siamese kittens turns into a bloody confrontation, complete with teeth and claws, when it is time to meet Sam's Suitor.
Gator Golf	The details surrounding a few of the hazards when golfing in Florida confirms the game is simply not for sissies.
Scaling Long's Peak	Undaunted by magnificent heights, a trio of prairie dwellers survives Scaling Long's Peak. Eight slides are digitized from 1949 climb.
The Suave Syndrome	When The Suave Syndrome is discovered, replicated, and reported, your fervent prayer is that you are not also its first victim.
Grandpa's Trousers	Wearing Grandpa's Trousers while walking through the mall requires the agility of a juggler and the brains of a baboon.
Alice's Buttons	When you discover your true-love's buttons are being pushed, in secret, by some other dude, it's enough to steam you good.
Fred's Follies	When caring for elderly and disabled parents, what you see is not always what you get.
Microsoft Mama	Today's word processors with spelling and grammar checking are reminiscent of growing up under the thumb of a for-real Microsoft Mama.
About the Author	What an incredible run through life, and still kicking a little.

Surviving childhood and adolescence was a miracle and a blessing. The smaller towns in Kansas, the rural culture, the schools, and the great people offered an incomparable milieu for whatever was to follow. These short stories cover the highlights while surviving from early childhood through adolescence. Piece of cake!
http://kidsshortstories.net/

The first career was Mr. Toad's Wild Ride for seven years with the U.S. Navy. The first four included college training through the N.R.O.T.C. at Oregon State and Kansas University with summer cruises each year. The last three were shipboard tours as a Supply Officer on the Gardiner's Bay (AVP-39) and Hamilton County (LST-802) in the Western Pacific. The ride was awesome! http://navystories.net/

These short stories document the winding road of unusual, unexpected, humorous, and outrageous experiences that all persons encounter while interacting with other folks, all of whom are living and struggling on the funny farm. These short stories document the funny farm on the open range. http://trueshortstories.net/ You are here now

By falling blindly into a second career in rehabilitation counseling in Kansas and Iowa, and with graduate study at the University of Missouri, a faculty position at the University of Georgia rounds out 27 more years as a counselor educator.
http://bobandlois.net/bobandlois_files/edurants/rants.htm/

In 1993, the retirement plans are detailed and ambitious, none of which are actually followed. As random events often become our master planners, we move to Florida where I start four more careers: 1. photographer, 2. webmaster, 3. world traveler, and 4. golfer. This picture and 600 more are displayed by category at http://spectacularscenery.com/.

While searching for an enduring project, Barack Hussein Obama's election provides a virtually limitless opportunity to respond with shock and awe. His ultra liberal voting record plus the rogues' gallery of former and current associates should provide years of fascinating stimulus material. A collection of white papers has already been posted, and he has yet to be sworn into office. What a magnificent goose.
http://obamasgoose.com/ http://baracksgoose.com/

This is a collection of stories about other kids as they grow up, and do what kids do. A few are liberally sprinkled with pictures. One picture is X-rated for parents, but the kids will thoroughly enjoy it, 'cause they are still kids. Want to know which story includes the picture? No telling!
http://bobandlois.net/bobandlois_files/kidscorner/kids.htm

Seated on a one-legged milk stool, I am hanging uselessly on the hind one strictly for the camera. Taking pictures has been a hobby since elementary school. These photo albums are a collection of random personal and general interest photos. Check these albums out to see if one tickles your fancy.
http://bobandlois.net/bobandlois_files/picturealbums/picturealbums.htm