Students of human behavior quickly learn that others don't play by our rules.  These short stories provide a tapestry of the surprising episodes that characterize human interactions.  Only in retrospect do some of these tales take on a thoroughly humorous dimension. A few are enhanced to make an enjoyable read, but all are fundamentally true stories straight from the funny farm.  Enjoy!

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Story List

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The Evil Door

Discovering the truth about the evil door at church is like pulling teeth.  In spite of what is known, the spirit world is aided and abetted by human accomplices.

Itty Bitty Spider

When a spider's magnificent web is discovered, and destroyed twice, it is no problem for the industrious and dedicated little creature, who rebuilds it a third time.  By contrast our brilliant representatives in Washington are completely inept in responding appropriately to a single, major issue facing the country. 

Civet Cat Coffee

Looking for a high-end coffee?  Try Civet Cat Coffee for those with expensive tastes, or Caribou Coffee for the masses.

Fire Aboard the Quest

Back-to-back cruises on Azamara's Quest is a roaring success until a shipboard fire threatens all aboard.  A luxury cruise quickly becomes a perishable commodity.

Grandma's Coupon

When grandma collects on a travel coupon that is too good to be true, that is exactly the way it turns out.

The Kiss

As greeters for an early morning church service, some fascinating evidence is found on the right cheek of one mature gentleman.

Retirement with a Twist

Some folks enjoy working so much that retirement is entered kicking and screaming.

Colonoscopies: End to End

When a frail old man receives colonoscopies end to end, he is reminded of an analogous experience on the football field sixty years earlier. 

A Dream's Answer

Watching a senate oversight hearing on TV at one o'clock in the morning on the president's debt commission report makes no sense at all.  When the proceedings arrived at Obama's offer to freeze discretionary spending for five years at current levels, it was clearly time to go to bed.  Shortly afterward a dream arrived, and shed perfect clarity on the nation's most pressing problem, making sense of our government's financial fiddling in Washington. 

Sure-fire Snore Stopper

How neat for a faithful and devoted wife of many years to discover a fool-proof way to terminate her husband's snoring, and all for free! 

The Ladies Restroom

Maude's startling experience, pieced together from several sources like a jigsaw puzzle, can only happen one time in The Ladies' Restroom.  The whole story is stranger than fiction.

Lessons from the Henhouse

Little do we appreciate how success in later life may be traced directly to childhood Lessons from the Henhouse

The Wicked Rabbit

On a nighttime hunting expedition, a brave suitor discovers a vast difference between Eastern Kansas and Western Kansas when he confronts The Wicked Rabbit.  

The Xmas Ogre

In a response to irrational excess, The Xmas Ogre, like Frankenstein, materializes out of nowhere.

No G-String

When a young and beautiful fraulein bares it all with No G-string, her admirers from diverse backgrounds react in characteristic ways.

Milking Poor Bessie

With profound uncertainty while seated near her hind legs, this city boy notices that Bessie is starting to fidget.  She knew instinctively that a novice was messing with her privates.

Bessie's Downfall

A city kid is blown away when his father-in-law on the farm asks him to send poor Bessie to Bovine Heaven.  Bessie's Downfall turns into a painful marathon.

The Mind of a Snitch

After a dozen years traveling throughout Europe, an alert wife reads the Mind of a Snitch perfectly.

Left Coast and Midwest Cousins

When the Prince of Darkness refers to a distant cousin's great grandmother as a madam, the blood letting between the Left Coast and the Midwest Cousins begins.

Grandma on Call

A late night trip to the corner market in Kowloon reveals dozens of China dolls who hit on stray men like woodpeckers.  The last doll gets her way!

Feesh Island

The old chief of Feesh Island, surrounded by natures many wild creatures, is shocked by the sudden call of nature.

Amsterdam's Bawdy District

A walking tour of Amsterdam's Bawdy District is a serious eye opener.  Among 40 mature travelers, both males and females are reminded that they have never seen anything quite like this before. 

Pea Soup

Home-made Pea Soup  is scrumptious, and as the story unravels it is revealed that it was concocted with some highly suspect ingredients. 

A Pesky Varmint

The Lawrence, Kansas Police would make Yosemite Sam proud as they collar a Pesky Varmint five minutes after stealing the wrong old woman's car.

Poison Grapes, Raisins, and Chocolate?

An examination of allegedly toxic treats uncovers exactly what it is that may be fatal when eating Poison Grapes, Raisins, and Chocolate.

Holy S#%*!!

In the wake of a wrecking crew, Holy S#*%!!  is the earthy vernacular that best describes a formerly beautiful summer morning.

Russia's Golden Circles

While cruising the Volga, a shocking discovery illustrates how one family has prospered in Russia's new market economy.

Miss Muffett

While drinking coffee in a Waffle House at 2:00 in the morning, Miss Muffett, a perfect stranger, offers the most startling proposals.

The Mother-in-Law

A carefully devised scheme to convince a witchy Mother-in-Law of her devious and harmful ways is brushed aside as if by magic.

Dumb and Dumber

Under the influence of distraction, two characters, Dumb and Dumber,  appear out of nowhere to destroy a perfectly lovely lunch.

Fred's First Night

Caretaking is not a piece of cake.  Assuming this new role, Fred's First Night causes panic for his new caregivers, who desperately need a solution.

Taking a Fall

Doing two things at once, without Taking a Fall, works just fine for those who are properly endowed.    Woops!

The Lost Goober

When a glossy goober is lost in space, its unexpected reappearance presents a slippery dilemma. 

Lady Behind the Curtain

After months dreading an invasive diagnostic procedure, the tension is suddenly broken by an unknown Lady Behind the Curtain, whose characterization of marriage is a classic pain reliever.

Toto in Japan

On a second visit to Japan after 52 years, we discover that Toto is no longer Dorothy's little dog, but has acquired an image and a reputation of national preeminence.  Toto is bigger than life all over modern Japan.

Sam's One-Night Stand

The belief that burglars are creeping through the house at night eventually leads to the discovery of Sam's One Night Stand.

Sam's Suitor

Breeding Siamese kittens turns into a bloody confrontation, complete with teeth and claws, when it is time to meet Sam's Suitor. 

Gator Golf

The details surrounding a few of the hazards when golfing in Florida confirms the game is simply not for sissies.

Scaling Long's Peak

Undaunted by magnificent heights, a trio of prairie dwellers survives Scaling Long's Peak.  Eight slides are digitized from 1949 climb.

The Suave Syndrome

When The Suave Syndrome is discovered, replicated, and reported, your fervent prayer is that you are not also its first victim.

Grandpa's Trousers

Wearing Grandpa's Trousers while walking through the mall requires the agility of a juggler and the brains of a baboon.

Alice's Buttons

When you discover your true-love's buttons are being pushed, in secret, by some other dude, it's enough to steam you good.

Fred's Follies

When caring for elderly and disabled parents, what you see is not always what you get. 

Microsoft Mama

Today's word processors with spelling and grammar checking are reminiscent of growing up under the thumb of a for-real Microsoft Mama.

About the Author

What an incredible run through life, and still kicking a little.